Kingdom Hearts: The Commentary
by Tori-Sama101
Summary: Even though we had nothing to do with making this game, Keely and I created our own little commentary of spazzy, sugar high goodness. Rated T for language, violence, and crude humor. No flames please!
1. Chapter 1

Since you people have read the summary you know what's going to happen. I have a lot of time on my hands so I've been playing through the game getting every bit of dialogue so you better enjoy this. This fic is intended to be spazzy and weird so please don't flame me about it. Remember, when you're done reading my storygo read KirieChan101's stuff. **Warning:** This story contains language and crude humor. Children under the age of 13 should not read this fic.

**Disclaimer:** Ki-Chan and I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Square-Enix does……WE WUV YOU SQUARE-ENIX!**

* * *

****Part 1:Prologue **

**Keely:** Hi, I'm Keely.

**Tori**: And I'm Tori, the writer of this fic, and welcome to the Commentary of Kingdom Hearts.

**Keely:** Um … why are we doing a commentary even though we had no part inmaking the game?

**Tori:** …….

**Keely:** Whatever. Turn on the game Tori-Chan.

**Tori:** You turn it on it's your game.

**Keely:** So? You're the one who wanted to do the commentary.

**Tori: **So… It's your game.

**Keely:** Do it for Riku-Sama!

**Tori:** … Hate you. (turns on Kingdom Hearts)

**Keely:** Hehe (pokes Tori with a stick) Wuv you Tori-Chan.

**Tori:** Yeah yeah.

**Sora:** I've been having these weird thoughts lately…

**Tori:** Me too. Like does Bert McCracken use Viagra or not?

**Keely:** (chokes) What the hell?

**Tori:** (hums along to opening theme)

**Sora:** (falls backwards and wakes up on Destiny Islands)

**Tori:** I just noticed there's a little rainbow behind Sora. (looks at it in awe)

**Keely:** You spazz.

**Tori:** SHUT UP RIKU-SAMA IS ON THE SCREEN! (runs up towards screen)

**Keely:** Hey! Don't start drooling over my TV!

**Tori:** I only did that once!

**Sora:** (reaches out for Riku's hand but misses)

**Tori:** Heh, I would've been able to grab it.

**Keely:** No you wouldn't.

**Tori:** Yes, I would! I have longer arms then Sora-Kun.

**Keely:** Sora-CHAN.

**Tori:** I can say it the way I want woman!

**Kairi:** (appears on screen waving for Sora)

**Tori:** Ugh. The bitchy slut.

**Keely:** God she's annoying.

**Tori:** The only good thing about her is she keeps Sora-Kun happy.

**Keely:** Sora-Ch-

**Tori:** DON'T BE CORRECTING ME!

**Keely:** Shut up I love this part.

**Sora:** (falls backwards through the water)

**Keely:** Ok now you may speak.

**Tori:** Jeez, why do you like that part so much?

**Keely:** …I dunno.

**Tori:** …

**Sora:** (looks around then walks forwards doves fly around him)

**Tori:** Birdies!

**Keely:** sigh. If Jaja-Chan where here she'd smack you.

**Tori:** But she's not here so there! (sticks out tongue)

**Mysterious voice: **So much to do… So little time… Take your time…

**Tori:** I don't get it. If the voice just said that there wasn't much time left, why did it say for us to take our time?

**Keely:** Maybe to relieve some stress? I don't know.

**Tori:** But you should know.

**Mysterious Voice:** Power sleeps within you… If you give it a form… It will give you strength… Choose well.

**Tori:** Go for the staff Ki-Chan.

**Keely:** Hell no I'm going for the sword.

**Tori:** But the staff looks funny. And it's a STAFF!

**Keely:** Who cares?

**Tori:** I do!

**Keely:** Meh. (chooses the sword)

**Mysterious Voice:** The power of the warrior. Invincible courage. A sword of terrible destruction. Is this the power you seek?

**Tori:** Oh hell yes.

**Keely:** Now you see why I wanted the sword.

**Mysterious Voice:** Your path is set. Now what will you give up in exchange?

**Tori:** That makes me think about Full Metal Alchemist.

**Keely:** Huh?

**Tori:** You know that whole deal with equivalent exchange.

**Keely:** Whatever.

**Mysterious Voice:** The power of the mystic. Inner strength. A staff of wonder and ruin. You give up this power?

**Tori:** Oh hell yes.

**Mysterious Voice:** You have chosen the path of the warrior. You've given up the power of the mystic. Is this the form you choose?

**Tori:** Oh hell-

**Keely:** Stop that!

(floor crumbles away Sora falls/floats and land on Cinderella)

**Tori:** Heh heh that sounds kinky.

**Keely:** How did I become friends with you?

**Mysterious Voice:** You've gained the power to fight.

**Tori:** (sings) I've got the power!

**Keely:** (throws a pillow at Tori)

(shadow heartless appears)

**Keely:** Aww it's so cute.

**Tori:** ……. It is cute. Let's go kill it!

**Sora:** (slashes at heartless)

**Tori:** Hehehe when you kill it little green balls of goodness fly out.

**Keely:** ……

**Tori:** What? I just notice these things.

**Mysterious Voice:** Use this power to protect yourself and others. There will be times you have to fight.

**Tori:** No shit dumbass.

(shadow heartless appears)

**Mysterious Voice:** Keep your light burning strong.

**Tori:** Behind you Ki-Chan! Go kill it!

**Keely:** But…IT'S SO CUTE!

**Tori: **Give me the damn controller.

**Keely: **No.

**Tori:** Then go kill it.

**Keely:** No.

**Tori:** grrr GIVE IT TO ME! (lunges)

**Keely:** Never! (jerks controller)

(controller gets pulled out of PS2)

**Both:** Eh?

**Screen: **Please insert controller to etc.

**Both:** …….

**Tori:** NO, I KILLED IT! (drops a white towel over the PS2)

**Keely:** Um Tori-Chan. (plugs controller back)

**Tori:** NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLAY KINGDOM HEARTS AGAIN!

**Keely:** Tori-Chan.

**Tori:** I HAVE DISGRACED THE GOODNESS THAT IS SQUARE-ENIX!

**Keely:** VICTORIA KAT-(gets cut off by my hand)

**Tori:** Don't ever call me by my full name on the interweb.

**Keely: **…The games back (points to screen)

**Tori:** Eh? IT CAME BACK! FAIRIES ARE FOR REAL!

**Keely:** You moron. (kills heartless)

(black stuff appears on platform)

(Sora gets sucked in)

(tries to wriggle free but can't)

(we now see Sora on a new platform panting)

(walks over to transparent door)

**Sora: **I can't open it…

**Tori:** God I hate these puzzle type things.

**Keely:** It's not that difficult. (opens treasure chest door glows)

**Tori:** Uwah! The door glowed!

**Keely:** …

**Tori:** That's AWESOME!

(door opens bright light shines as Sora walks through and ends up on Destiny Islands)

**Mysterious Voice:** Hold on. The door won't open just yet. First, tell me more about yourself.

**Sora:** (runs to Selphie)

**Selphie:** What's most important to you?

**Tori:** Riku.

**Keely:** Um.

**Sora:** Being number one.

**Selphie:** Is being number one such a big deal?

**Sora:** (runs to Tidus)

**Keely:** Oh my god! That's Tidus!

**Tori:** You didn't know that?

**Keely:** Well I knew, but IT'S TIDUS!

**Tori:** Sorry readers. She's a Final Fantasy X fanatic.

**Keely:** At least I'm not in love with someone who isn't real.

**Tori:** Do I insult your mother?

**Keely:** What?

**Tori:** Never mind.

**Tidus:** What are you afraid of?

**Sora:** Getting old.

**Tidus:** Gettin' old? Is that really scary?

**Tori: **…Is it scary?

**Keely:** … Yeah.

**Tori: **When you think about it.

**Keely: **Hm. Anyways we're getting off subject.

**Sora:** (runs to Wakka)

**Wakka:** What do you want outta life?

**Sora:** To see rare sights.

**Tori:** Why didn't you say To be number one?

**Keely:** Cause I wanted to say To see rare sights.

**Tori:** Well I figured that much.

**Wakka:** To se rare sights, huh?

**Mysterious Voice:** You want to be number one. You're afraid of getting old. You want to see rare sights. Your adventure begins at dawn. As long as the sun is shining your journey should be a pleasant one. Is this the path you chose?

**Tori: **Hell no that sounds crappy.

**Keely:** I'm not doing that again.

**Tori:** Aww.

**Mysterious Voice: **The day you will open the door is both far off and very near.

**Tori:** You know, that guy is really starting to piss me off.

**Keely:** Oh and why's that?

**Tori:** He just … IS.

**Keely:** (stares)

**Tori:** Shut up.

(on Sleeping Beauty platform)

(heartless appear)

**Tori:** Can I kill some this time?

**Keely:** sigh (passes controller) Knock yourself out.

**Tori:** Wooty! (beats the crap out of heartless) Heh, I'm ten times better at this game then you.

**Keely:** I don't care you're more obsessive then me.

**Tori:** STOP CUTTING ME DOWN IN MY PRIDE!

(stained glass stairway appears)

**Tori:** Ooh. Pretty colors. (stares in awe)

**Keely:** You have mental issues.

**Tori:** You're damn right I do!

(Sora runs up stairs)

**Mysterious Voice:** The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes.

(Sora's shadow grows bigger and turns into a Darkside)

**Mysterious Voice:** But don't be afraid. And don't forget…

**Tori:** Run Sora!

(Sora tries to run away but almost falls off platform)

**Tori:** Well so much for my plan.

**Keely:** You of all people should know you have to fight the damn thing.

**Tori:** … Well …. Shut up.

(Sora fights Darksides arm)

**Tori:** You're taking to long!

**Keely:** Well I'm concentrating

**Tori:** Well you're taking to long! (grabs controller)

**Keely:** Hey!

**Tori:** There done.

**Keely:** I ONLY HAD ONE HIT LEFT!

**Tori:** …And your point is?

(the sword disappears as the Darkside tries to crush Sora)

**Mysterious Voice:** But don't be afraid.

(pool of darkness forms around Sora)

**Mysterious Voice:** You hold the mightiest weapon of all.

(Sora tries to escape the darkness)

**Keely:** Aww. He looks so pitiful right there.

**Tori:** You do realize he's the same age as us, right?

**Keely:** I know and that's the sad part.

**Mysterious Voice:** So don't forget:

(Sora gets covered in darkness)

**Mysterious Voice:** You are the one who will open.

**Keely:** They make that part too dramatic.

**Tori:** Yeah. What if the door they keep going on about was really the front door to some old lady's house?

**Keely:** … Then that would be a waste of a game.

**Tori:** Yeah whatever.

**

* * *

****A/N:** Ok so that was the prologue bit. I'm just starting out so don't get pissed at me. I'll have the next chapter out and about as soon as possible. The other chapters may take a while so bear with me. R&R but no flames please. Don't make me cry (puppy eyes). 


	2. Chapter 2

Hello again. As promised, here is part two of the commentary. I am so sorry it took so long. I've been swamped lately with high school and drumline I haven't been able to get anything done. I'll try to post the next as soon as possible. **Warning:** This story contains language, violence, and crude humor. Children under the age of 13 should not read this fic.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: Keely and I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If we did, we'd be to busy huggling Sora to write.

**Part 2: Destiny Islands**

(birds chirp in the background)

(Sora wakes up on the beach looking adorable)

**Both:** Aww.

**Tori:** It's kinda disturbing that he's our age and we're cooing over him as if he's a five year old.

**Keely:** Oh well.

**Sora:** (yawns and lays back down to see Kairi's ugly head) Whoa!

**Tori:** Hmph, who wouldn't scream waking up to THAT.

**Kairi:** Sora, you lazy bum. I knew that I'd find you snoozing down here.

**Sora:** No! This huge black THING swallowed me up!

**Tori:** Haha they emphasized "thing."

**Keely:** Why is that funny?

**Tori:** It isn't I just…..Who asked you anyway?

**Kairi:** Are you still dreaming?

**Sora:** It wasn't a dream! Or was it? I don't know.

**Tori:** A dream, or not a dream. That is the question.

**Keely:** Ok, for five seconds I'm going to be Janell. (smacks Tori across the head) There, I'm done.

**Tori:** (holds head in pain and cries) That was mean.

**Sora:** Say, Kairi, what was your hometown like? You know, where you grew up.

**Kairi:** I told you before, I don't remember.

**Tori:** (mimics in a snotty tone) I told you before, I don't remember. God if I were in that game I would-

**Keely:** Screw Riku, throw Selphie in the ocean, give Wakka dreadlocks, huggle Sora, and make Kairi suffer an extremely painful and slow death. Am I leaving anything out?

**Tori:** No, that about sums it up.

**Keely: **(sighs) I've known you for far too long.

**Sora:** I'd like to see it too. Along with any other worlds out there! I want to see 'em all!

**Keely:** Aww. His determination is so cute!

**Tori:** Yeah yeah whatever. Where's my sexy bishi!

**Riku:** Hey!

**Tori:** Speak of the smexy devil.

**Keely:** Dante? (referring to "Devil May Cry" for all of you who didn't know)

**Riku:** Aren't you guys forgetting about me?

**Tori:** (raises hand) I'm not!

**Keely:** He can't hear you stupid.

**Tori:** Don't call me stupid! Stupider!

**Keely:** (throws random ice cube at Tori)

**Tori:** AIEEEYAA! COLD! (runs into bathroom and shouts) YOU COLD HEARTED BITCH!

**Keely:** Ah peace and quiet.

**Riku:** (throws a log at Sora)

**Sora:** Waugh!

**Kairi:** (giggles)

**Tori:** (walks out of bathroom)

**Keely:** Hello friend!

**Tori:** Don't you "hello friend" me you son of a monkey!

**Keely:** Um, I'm not a so-

**Tori:** Shut up! I spit at you!

**Keely:** Aww.

**Kairi:** I'll race you!

**Sora:** Huh?

**Riku:** What, are you kidding?

**Kairi:** Ready? Go!

(Riku and Sora look at each other and run)

(Kairi lags behind laughing like a moron)

**Keely:** Hehehe she laughs like she's high. Don't you agree Tori-Chan?

**Tori:** Come on Riku work that body!

**Keely: **I am going to send you to the asylum if you don't shut up!

**Tori:** Shutting up. (sits very still)

**Kairi:** So can you gather the rest of the supplies? Sora, are you listening to me?

**Sora:** Yeah I heard you.

**Kairi:** Okay, here's what you need to go find: Two logs, One cloth, One rope. Bring everything back here.

**Tori:** Demanding little bitch, isn't she?

**Keely:** I thought I told you to shut up.

**Tori:** Well I did … for 10 seconds.

**Keely:** Argh you're hopeless!

**Tori:** Hehehe I know. Go fight Wakka!

**Keely:** But I don't wanna.

**Tori: **Well I told you to!

**Keely: **You never listen to me so why should I?

**Tori:** (dramatic pose) Cause I am TORI-SAMA!

**Keely:** … No, you're a moron.

**Tori: **Argh! (swipes controller)

**Keely:** HEY!

**Wakka:** Hey, what's happening, man?

**Keely:** (swipes controller) NO!

**Tori:** Aww why not?

**Keely: **BECAUSE I SAID SO!

**Tori:** (cowers in fear)

**Keely:** (sighs) Fine I'll let you fight Riku, BUT THAT'S IT!

**Tori:** Kyaa! (gives peace sign)

**Sora:** (grabs all materials)

**Tori:** Can I go fight Riku now? Can I go fight Riku now? Can I go fight Riku now? Can I go fight Riku now?

**Keely:** SHUT UP!

**Tori: **WELL CAN I?

**Keely:** YES! (thrust controller into Tori's gut)

**Tori:** Gah! …Thank…you.

**Keely:** (sighs) I hate you.

**Riku:** Did you get everything we need for the raft? I gave my stuff to Kairi. Hey, Sora, how 'bout a quick round? Grab your sword.

**Tori:** YESSSA!

**Sora:** Okay, you're on!

**Riku:** This one decides the champion. Ready or not!

(both begin fighting)

**Tori:** Come on Sora! Gah! Move! Run! DO SOMETHING YA TWIT!

**Keely:** (slaps Tori) Do not can Sora-Kun a twit!

**Tori:** Sora-CH-

**Keely:** (slaps again) DON'T DISS ME ABOUT THAT!

**Tori:** You hypocrite. (sobs)

**Sora:** (does a little victory dance) Now the score's 1 to 0!

**Tori:** I won!

**Keely:** Whoop-de-damn-do.

**Tori:** Your just jealous that I got the skills.

**Keely:** Um, not really.

**Sora:** (runs to the beeotch)

**Kairi:** Thanks, Sora! I found something today, too. Here, it's yours.

(Obtained Hi-Potion)

**Kairi:** Tired? Want to call it a day?

**Tori:** Hell ya bitch!

**Sora:** Yeah, let's go home.

**Kairi:** Okay. It's getting late.

**Tori:** Don't they ever shut up!

**Keely:** No, they're like you.

**Tori:** I take offense to that you know.

**Keely:** Good!

**Sora:** So, Kairi's home is out there somewhere, right?

**Riku:** Could Be.

**Tori:** Ahhhhh smexiness!

**Keely:** Ugh.

**Kairi:** So suppose you get to another world. Hehe What would you do there?

**Tori:** She laughs like a moron.

**Keely:** You mean she laughs like you.

**Tori:** (gritting teeth)I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

**Riku:** And suppose there are other worlds… Then ours is just a little piece of something much greater. So we could have just as easily ended up somewhere else, right?

**Tori:** (sighs) My love is such a deep thinker.

**Keely:** (chokes) WHEN DID HE BECOME YOUR LOVE?

**Tori:** …. Since forever!

**Kairi:** You've been thinking a lot lately, haven't you?

**Riku:** Thanks to you.

**Tori:** Eh?

**Riku:** If you hadn't come here, I probably would've never thought of any of this.

**Tori:** Eh?

**Riku:** Kairi, thanks.

**Tori:** EH! THAT'S IT I'M GONNA KILL HER!

**Keely:** He only said thanks!

**Tori:** (demonic voice) I DON'T CARE!

**Keely:** (hits Tori in the head with frying pan) NOW SHUT UP!

* * *

**A/N:** Ok, so that's the end of Chappy 2. Hopefully if I get enough time I'll add more soon. Please keepa reviewin and I'll keepa writin. NO FLAMES! 


	3. Chapter 3

Hiyo shiyo biyo. Here's the next part of the story. (throws confetti) Since I have many lovely reviewers I shall now start responding to them like a good authoress of spazzy goodness! **Warning:** This story contains language, violence, and crude humor. Children under the age of 13 should not read this fic.

**Tori-Sama101's REVIEWERS**

Thank you all!

**manyissues101:** Hahahaha I'll get him before you NYAH NYAH!

**Kiriechan101: **Yay! I got Kiki to laugh her ass off! POINT FOR ME! And do not worry I'm turning all my work like a good little monkey (innocent smile) Have fun with "Puppy" (wink wink)

**MuraSakura: **I love your story and yes RIKU ROCKS BOTH OF OUR SOCKS! WHOOOT! And the thing with Kairi, I'M NOT JEALOUS I COULD NEVER BE JEALOUS…..Ok maybe a little….

**RyuKaze: **YAAY! Another fellow Riku obsesser! DRUMLINE RULES!

All right, on with the story.

**Disclaimer:** Keely and I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If we did we'd be too busy drowning Kairi in a blow-up pool.**

* * *

****AT DISNEY CASTLE**

(Donald walks down hallway)

(brooms from _"Fantasia"_ walk by)

**Tori:** (comes out of unconscious state) BROOMS!

**Keely:** (looks up) Why God? Why have you plagued me with this idiot?

**Donald:** Good morning, Your Majesty. It's nice to see this morn—(sees Mickey isn't there) What!

(Pluto pops from behind the throne with a letter in his mouth)

**Keely:** Um, why did they name a Disney dog after the God of Death?

**Tori:** (thinks for a minute) Hehehe.

(Donald reads letter then has a spazz attack)

**Keely:** Haha that's like when I gave you that stuff with all the wasabi on it.

**Tori:** That wasn't funny!

**Keely:** Yes it was!

**Donald:** Wake up, Goofy, wake up! This is serious!

**Goofy:** (continues to sleep)

**Donald:** (casts Thunder)

**Tori:** I should do that to you when school starts.

**Keely:** ….

**BACK AT DESTINY ISLANDS**

**Sora:** (runs to Wakka)

**Wakka:** Me and Tidus, we are gonna do a little exploring' today. You know, the secret place at the base of that tree.

**Tori:** Yay! I love the Secret Place!

**Keely:** You only like because of that one random picture I found of Riku and Sora fighting the Goo Monster thing.

**Tori:** Ya damn right!

**Sora:** (picks up mushroom and touches the drawing of him and Kairi)

**Both:** Flashback time!

**Tori:** Hehe

**Keely:** Okay, I'm never doing that again.

(Little Sora, being adorable, draws a picture of Kairi as Little Kairi draws a picture of Sora)

**Both:** Awww

**Tori:** End flashback!

(Sora adds on by drawing him giving Kairi a paopu)

**Sora:** (turns around) Wh-Who's there?

**Keely:** ANSEM!

**Tori:** CHILD MOLESTER!

**Keely:** Um, he didn't molest-

**Tori:** Yes he did! I know these things.

**Ansem:** Tied to the darkness…soon to be completely eclipsed.

**Sora:** Well whoever you are, stop freaking me out like this. Huh? Wh-Where did you come from?

**Tori:** Your mind.

**Keely:** Sora has a very twisted little mind then.

**Ansem:** A meaningless effort. One who knows nothing can understand nothing.

**Keely:** That makes sense in a way.

**Tori:** I don't care if he makes sense HE'S A STUPID FART MUNCHER!

**Keely:** You done?

**Tori:** Yes.

(Sora looks at door then turns to see Ansem went KAPOOF!)

(runs to Cove)

**Riku:** Hey, Sora.

**Tori:** RIKU-SAMA!

**Keely:** Ugh.

**Riku:** Our raft still needs a name. Let's see… How about Highwind?

**Keely:** Oh, of all the perfectly good names he chooses the lamest.

**Tori:** Shut up! Anything that comes out of Riku's mouth is perfect.

**Keely**: Even his saliva?

**Tori:** …. Hehehe

**Keely:** Oh God.

**Tori:** Moving on what are we gonna call the raft?

**Keely:** How about Babubabu?

**Tori: **BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Name it Ping!

**Keely:** (sighs) Fine.

**Sora:** Me? Well …hmm…Ping!

**Riku:** Hey, how 'bout…

**Sora:** The usual?

**Riku:** Let's do it!

**Keely:** Do what?

**Tori:** Race.

**Keely:** Oh yeah.

**Tori:** And you call me a moron.

**Keely:** That's cause you are.

**Sora:** If I win, I'm captain! And if you win…

**Riku:** I get to share the paopu with Kairi.

**Tori:** (spews soda) WHAT!

**Keely:** (wipes off soda) Eww.

**Riku:** Deal? The winner gets to share a paopu with Kairi.

**Tori:** NO DEAL NO DEAL!

**Keely:** SHUT UP! (wacks Tori with Jack Skellington pillow)

**Tori:** WHAT IS UP WITH YOU HITTING ME?

**Keely:** It's cause you're stupid.

**Tori:** Do you have a problem against stupid people?

**Keely:** No, just you.

**Tori:** Wow I feel special.

**Keely:** Hn. (thinks evilly)

**Tori:** What are you planning?

**Keely:** (starts the race)

**Tori:** (watches screen)………WHAT IN HELLS NAME ARE YOU DOING?

**Keely:** Losing. Purposely. (evil smirk)

**Tori:** NO! YOU EVIL LITTLE-

**Keely:** Ah Ah! Watch what you say. (makes Sora run around in little circles)

**Tori:** NO!

**Keely:** Hehehe

**Tori:** GrrrrrRAGH! (tackles Keely)

**TV Announcer:** We interrupt these two idiots fighting to bring you this important announcement.

(a little pink bunny shows up)

**Bunny:** It's ok to feel sad.(makes a sad face) But it's better to feel happy! (gives a big smile) And remember, use a condom kiddies!

**TV Announcer: **We know return to the Kingdom Hearts Commentary.

**Keely: **(fixes scuffed up hair) Ahem. Sorry about that peps.

**Tori:** Little...bunny…so sickingly…cute….MUST DIE! (brings out rifle)

**Keely:** Don't sho- …Oh well shoot it.

**Bunny:** Eek! (runs away)

**Tori:** (in crazy high-pitched voice) Come here little rabbit. Hahahahahahaha (runs after)

**Keely:**……

**In Background: **(gunshot) Good ole Winchester!

**Tori: **(walks back)

**Keely: **Had fun?

**Tori: **Yep.

**Keely:** Did you pick up after yourself?

**Tori:**…No.

**Keely:** Get to it!

**Tori:** (walks away mumbling)

**Kairi:** You know, Riku has changed

**Keely:** Oh, it's so good Tori wasn't here for that.

**Kairi:** Sora, lets take the raft and go—just the two of us!

**Sora:** Huh?

**Keely:** Now it's REALLY good that she's not here.

**Sora:** What's gotten into you? You're the one that's changed, Kairi.

**Kairi:** Maybe…

**Tori: **Maybe? HAH!

**Keely:** (scared) When did you get here?

**Tori:** (evil smirk)

**Keely: **Oh god.

**Kairi:** I just can't wait. Once we set sail, it'll be great.

**AT DISNEY CASTLE**

**Tori:** Oh god not again. Can't we do something else while all this Disney shit plays.

**Keely: **(sighs) Do whatever.

**Tori: **You're going to regret those words.

**Keely: **Oh no.

**Tori:** (turns on Azumanga Daioh theme song and sings along)

**Keely:** OH GOD NO!

"_Lu La lu La piano wa sekai no yumesaku nohara ni melody_

_Kowareta tokei wo shinjite jikan wa dare no mikata?_

_Doushite konna ni watashi no mune yasashii dareka wo matteruno?_

_Oshiete sutekina mirai Moonlight,moonlight sleepin'"_

**Keely:** MAKE IT STOP!

"_Lu La lu La Omoide ringo ni mezame no shoujo ga kiss shite_

_Setsunaku hirogeta hon niwa futari no bell ga naruyo_

_Dakishimetaikara itoshiihito_

_Mou nakanaidene Good bye sadness_

_Fushigina tobira no moji wa Soramimi cake_

_Wonderland! youkoso kiminiwa Fairyland! ai no mahou nano_

_Love's all way! Mainichi fuwafuwa komugi no yuuwaku_

_Cake for you! tabetene konya wa Tea for you! seiza no ochakai_

_Mado ni tenshi no chorus kiminiwa soramimi? sukidayo sukidayo no koe"_

**Keely:** STOP STOP THE DISNEY SHIT IS OVER!

**Tori:** Aw but that was fun.

**Keely: **(gives a mean glare)

**Tori:** …What's that look for?

**Keely:** (falls over)

**IN SORA'S ROOM  
**

**Tori:** Oh god.

**Keely:** If he's supposed to be the same age as us, why does his room look like a 4 year olds?

**Tori:** And more importantly WHY ARE HIS SHORTS ON THE GROUND?

**Keely:** (sighs)

**Sora's Mom: **Sora, dinner's ready. Come on down. Sora?

**Tori:** (gasps) THAT'S IT!

**Keely:** What's it?

**Tori:** Sora-kun

**Keely: **Sora-CH-

**Tori:** DON'T START THAT AGAIN! (coughs) Anyways Sora-KUN must have one of the doting mothers who hates it when their kid grows up and tries to treat them like babies so they'll think in their poor pathetic minds that their 3 years old and go for the rest of the lives without knowing the joys of adult hood!

**Keely: **…How does your mind work again?

**Sora:** Where's Kairi? I thought she was with you!

**Riku: **The door has opened….

**Tori:** (sighs and gets a nosebleed)

**Keely:** Oh lord. (hands over tissue box)

**Riku:** The door has opened, Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!

**Tori:** Yes, come to the outside world and see us!

**Riku:** Kairi's coming with us!

**Tori:** DAMN!

**Riku: **We can't let fear stop us! I'm not afraid of the darkness! (holds out his hold)

**Tori:** I'M COMIN FOR YA MY BISHI (runs to screen and tries to grab his hand) Something's wrong! I can't get my hand through!

**Keely:** That's because THERE'S A SCREEN MORON! AND HE'S NOT REAL!

**Tori:** HE'S REAL TO ME! (continues to try)

(pool of darkness forms beneath Riku and begins to wrap around his waist)

**Tori:** WAIT! NOT YET! (tries harder) DON'T GO!

**Keely:** (pulls Tori away from screen) Listen to me very carefully. Are you listening?

**Tori:** Yeah.

**Keely:** (yells in Tori's ear) YOU'RE A MORON!

**Tori:** AIEEYA ME EARS!

**Sora: **(runs to Secret Place) Kairi!

**Kairi:** (slowly turns around) Sora…

**Keely:** Aww. You gotta admit that's kinda sad.

**Tori:** WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'VE BEEN RENDERED DEAF!

**Keely:** (smacks) Knock it off.

**Tori:** (sobs) Yes ma'am.

(A Darkside appears behind Sora)

**Tori:** Again?

**Keely:** Let me actually finish this battle. Ok?

**Tori:** Aww but you suck at fighting.

**Keely:** I ONLY HAD ONE HIT LEFT!

**Tori:** It's not only in this game. What about Devil May Cry 3? You can't get past Cerberus in that one icy place.

**Keely:** You can't even get TO that area and you died so many times the game even said you sucked.

**Tori: **…Shut up. (cries)

**Sora:** (beats the crap out of the Darkside's arm)

**Tori:** You know how come something as big as that gets brought down by only a couple of hits in the arm?

**Keely:** Well…

**Tori:** And how come there's no blood spray?

**Keely:** BECAUSE IT'S A FRICKEN E RATED GAME MORON!

**Tori:** You don't have to yell.

**Keely: **(tries to hold in anger)

**Sora: **(tries SO hard to hang on to the plank but ends up floating into the Sin wannabe thingy)

**Tori:** Haha I called it a Sin wannabe.

**Keely:** …

**Tori: **Ke?

**Keely:** ARGH! THAT DOES IT! (picks up Tori)

**Tori: **WHAT IN HELLS NAME ARE-

**Keely:** I'M LOCKING YOU IN MY HELLISH CLOSET ONCE AND FOR ALL!

**Tori:** NO! NONONONONONONONO NOT IN THERE! THERE'S WOOD SPIDERS AND CHILD MOLESTERS IN THERE!

**Keely:** (shoves Tori into closet)

**Tori: **NOOOO!

**Keely:** (locks the door) The deed is done. (goes back to her TV)

**

* * *

****A/N: **Phew, I finally finished Chapter 3. And for all of you who have never seen the inside of Keely's closet it really is hell. (shudders at the memory) Never again. Anyways just a little warning, it'll probably take me a long time to get the next chapter posted. Lots of school crap going on. Please don't be mad. Remember to review my loving fans! 


	4. Chapter 4

KYAAAAAA! I am the happiest little beeyotch right now! I have 13 very lovely reviews and MuraSakura (whom I adore right now) dedicated a chapter in her story to me. Thank you so much! In honor of that this chapter is dedicated to you MuraSakura (and of course you to Ki-Sama). ROCK ON! And I'm extremely sorry this took me so long to get finished. Damn you school and all your diversions! **Warning:** This story contains language, violence, and crude humor. Children under the age of 13 should not read this fic.

**Tori-Sama101's Reviewers**

Thank you!

**Kiriechan101**: My social life is fine thank you very much and sorry for making you seem like a bitch in the last chapter. I feel bad about that. And you still have plenty of wood spiders in that closet of yours. Don't listen to what Bert says.

**Baka-Chibi-Hakai**: Hello chibi person! (pats on head) You must continue to try to get past Deep Jungle. The game gets better after that.

**manyissues101**: Well…er…GRAAGH! CURSE YOU AND YOUR DREAM! Only kidding. I have read your story. I like it. Please update soon.

**anonymous**: Yes, join my destruction of Kairi army! And why are you anonymous? You got something to hide? Huh? HUH? Do you? Do you?

**Kairi7**: You broke a rib laughing? Please don't send me your medical bill. AND I SHALL NEVER STOP DESPISING KAIRI!...Well maybe if she brings me a latte, BUT ONLY WHEN SHE BRINGS ME THAT LATTE!

**MuraSakura**: YOU FREAKING RULE! (hugs) Please update your story soon. And Ki isn't really THAT evil.

Ok now let's do this thang!

**Disclaimer**: Keely and I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If we did we'd be to busy buying weed from Goofy.**

* * *

****Part 3: Traverse Town**

**Goofy:** (looks up)

**Keely:** Argh. Damn the Disney crap.

**Tori:** (sings inside closet) Dadudududududududu…..and really bad eggs….drink me arties yo ho!

**Keely:** (hits closet door with stick) Shut up in there!

**Tori:** I can't help it. It's boring in here.

**Donald:** Aw, what do you know ya big palooka.

**Tori:** What did you say to me?

**Keely:** It was just the game Tori. Don't get a hernia.

**Tori:** No I recognize your voice anywhere. If you got a problem with the way I think SAY IT TO MAH FACE!

**Keely:** …Tori that was Don-

**Tori:** DON'T YOU LIE TO ME! (pouts)

**Keely:** …. I am so happy you're in a closet right now.

**Sora:** (wakes up looking adorable) What a dream…

**Tori:** (gets up) Hark! Is that the voice of the adorable one!

**Keely:** Hark?

**Tori:** I must escape and gawk at his cuteness! (pounds on door)

**Keely:** (watches the closet door)

**Tori:** Damn it all to hell! Open I say! (kicks door)

**5 minutes of door abusing go by**

**Tori:** Please…please…open. (turns doorknob)

(door slowly opens)

**Keely:** Hey, what do you know. I forgot to lock the door.

**Tori:** …..(begins to cry)

**Keely:** (holds up bowl) Ice cream?

**Tori:** (sits on couch and eats silently)

**Sora:** (walks into Second District)

(some reaaaaalllly ugly dude trips and his heart floats into a heartless)

**Tori:** Hahahaha the ugly dude lost his heart!

**Keely:** …

(shadow heartless form around Sora)

**Tori:** OOOOHHH! LET ME FIGHT LET ME FIGHT!

**Keely:** No.

**Tori:** Aww come on! I was in the hell closet for an hour!

**Keely:** No, you were in the hell closet for 10 minutes.

**Tori:** Well, your breath smells.

**Keely:** Aww.

**Tori:** Oh I'm sorry. (hugs)

**Keely:** You went too far on that one.

**Sora:** (runs into Hotel)

**Goofy:** Doesn't look like he's here.

**Tori:** Just missed 'em maroons.

**Keely:** Maroons?

**Tori:** What?

**Keely:** You have a very odd volcabulary today.

**Sora:** (runs to First District)

**Squall/Leon:** They'll come at you out of nowhere.

**Sora:** Who are you?

**Keely and Tori:** SQUAAAAAALLLLLLL! (both skip around like fan girls)

**Tori:** Ahhhh he's so smexy!

**Keely:** Yes indeed, but he has a mullet.

**Tori:** And I don't give a damn!

**Squall/Leon:** (walks toward Sora) Now, let's see that Keyblade.

**Tori:** (snickers)

**Keely:** What's so funny?

**Tori:** That sentence could be oh so easily be twisted.

**Keely:** (giggles) Oh god.

**Tori:** (in a manly voice) Sora, lemme see your Keyblade. (in a high pitched voice) No! (pretends to cover crotch) Stay away from my danger!

**Keely:** BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Tori:** Thank you Stewart.

**Sora:** (fights Squall/Leon)

**Tori:** Heeeeyyy, I wanna fight Squall.

**Keely:** No. You always lose.

**Tori:** So do you.

**Keely:** No I don't.

**Tori:** Do too.

**Keely:** Do not.

**Tori:** Do too do too.

**Keely:** Do not do not.

**Tori:** … I wanna turn! (grabs controller)

**Keely:** No means no beesh! (pulls controller)

(both continues fight while Sora dies)

**Both:** GASP! Look what you did!

**Tori:** Me? it was you!

**Keely:** Was not it was you!

**Tori:** You were the one fighting him!

**Keely:** Well, you distracted me!

**Tori:** Uh huh. Sure.

**Keely:** You DID!

**Yuffie:** Hey, you found it. Nice going, Leon.

**Squall/Leon:** Still…It looks like things are worse than we thought. A lot worse.

**Both:** (stare at each other)… IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

**Goofy:** Gawrsh, there's nobody here. Sure is spooky!

**Donald:** Aw phooey. I'm not scared.

(Aerith taps Donald's shoulder)

**Donald:** (screams and jumps on Goofy's back)

**Aerith:** Excuse me. Did the king send you?

**Tori:** Good God! It's Aeris!

**Keely:** Cloud's dead girlfriend, right?

**Tori:** ALL WHO ARE KILLED BY MARUSUME CANNOT BE BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE! SHE MUST BE A ZOMBIE! BRING OUT THE RESIDENT EVIL CREW!

**Keely:** Will you kindly SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP!

**Kairi:** Come on, lazy bum. Wake up.

**Tori:** Oh god! It's the voice of the evil beeyotch!

**Keely:** Tell me what has she done to you in the past few weeks?

**Tori:** …Well…shut it.

**Sora:** I'm so glad that you're okay, Kairi.

**Kairi:** Kairi? Who are you talking about? (voice changes to Yuffie's) I'm the great ninja Yuffie.  
**Keely:** Aww that's kinda sad.

**Yuffie:** I think you might've overdone it, Squall.

**Squall/Leon:** That's Leon.

**Both:** PRAISE THE SMEXINESS!

**Tori:** Aww now they're just gonna gab on and on about the Keyblade.

**Keely:** Hn. So what do you want to do in the mean time.

**Tori:** Hold that thought. (runs upstairs)

**Keely:** (looks around) Ohh a nickel. (picks it up and sings) I've got a nickel. I've got a nickel. And it's shiny.

**Tori:** Ok you ready?

**Keely:** (plays with nickel) Yeah. Whatever.

**Tori:** (jumps out in a banana outfit holding maracas) IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

**Keely:** (drops nickel) Oh… my…god…

**Tori:** PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

**Keely:** Tori for the love of God and all that is Holy STOP!

**Tori:** …..DO THE PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!

**Keely:** (sobs) Please just shoot me now.

**Squall/Leon:** Sooner or later, the Heartless will find you. You'd best prepare yourself.

**Sora:** Prepare myself?

**Squall/Leon:** To fight for your life. Are you ready?

**Tori:** (in a Spongebob voice) I'm ready!

**Keely:** … Tori will you please take the banana suit off.

**Tori:** …No.

**Yuffie:** Leon! (points)

**Squall/Leon:** Yuffie, go!

**Yuffie:** (runs smacking Donald with the door)

**Keely:** Heh heh. That's just like what happened to you when you were walking to 3rd period.

**Tori:** Shut up shut up shut up.

**Sora:** (runs to Third District)

**On the Balcony**

(heartless appear)

**Goofy:** Gawrsh, are these the Heartless guys?

**Tori:** No shit Sherlock.

**Donald:** Let's go get 'em, Goofy!

(both get pelted into the sky)

**Tori:** AHAHAHAHAHA I LAUGH AT THEIR PITIFUL BEHINDS!

**Keely:** Don't laugh you'd be doing the same thing…only stupider.

(both land on top of poor Sora)

**Donald and Goofy:** The key!

(walls form blocking the exit)

**Keely:** AHAHA VIBRATION!

**Tori:** It's making the whole damn couch shake.

(heartless appear)

**Tori:** Can I please fight them?

**Keely:** (sighs) Fine. (hands over controller) But don't do anything stupid.

**Tori:** AHAHA C'MERE YA LITTLE BUGGERS! (beats the doody out of them) HA BEAT THAT KI!

**Keely:** I could've done that easily.

(giant Heartless armour appears)

**Keely:** AH MORE VIBRATION!

**Narrator:** Will Sora be able to defeat his newest boss? Will Tori ever grow out of her idiocy? Will Nny ever love Keely back? Find out next time on the next chapter of Kingdom Hearts: The Commentary!

**Tori:** Where the hell did he come from?

**Keely:** HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT NNY?

**Tori:** (looks around innocently)

**Keely:** Tooooorrrriiii.

**Tori:** What? I'm only admiring the beautiful paint job.

**Keely:** I'M GONNA KILL YOU!


End file.
